
Discussing long-term care with aging family members can feel daunting, emotional, and filled with uncertainty. However, the sooner you begin planning, the more choices you’ll have for the future.
By addressing future care needs proactively, you can ensure your loved ones are able to age with dignity, on their own terms, and with a plan everyone feels confident about.
In this article, we’ll discuss the importance of addressing long-term care with family, how to prepare for your conversation, and our recommendations for next steps.
Download our full guide to long-term care planning here.
What is Long-Term Care?
Long-term care provides support when individuals can no longer complete at least two daily living activities independently, such as eating, bathing, or getting dressed. The goal of this type of care is to help people maintain their lifestyle as they continue to age.
You can receive long-term care services at home, in the community, or in a specialized facility. For many aging adults, this type of care is essential in preventing accidents and ensuring they aren’t facing risks of self-neglect.
Why are long-term care conversations important?
It’s estimated that 70% of people will eventually need some form of long-term care.
As your parents or loved ones continue to age, their health may decline, and without a plan, this can create uncertainty in an already stressful time.
We hope that our aging family members have prepared for their health, financial, and long-term care needs, but the reality is that many haven’t.
By discussing long-term care in advance, you and your loved ones can feel confident that their wishes will be respected when the time comes. And while talking about sensitive subjects like long-term care and end-of-life planning isn’t easy, avoiding the conversation altogether isn’t the answer.
Taking the time to have this conversation now can give everyone peace of mind and help prevent potential challenges down the road.
A helpful guide to having a long-term care conversation with your family member(s)
As you prepare for the conversation, it’s important to familiarize yourself with the basics of long-term care.
Keep in mind that it doesn’t always mean moving to a residential setting like a nursing home or assisted living facility. Long-term care also involves services and support provided in the comfort of your loved one’s own home.
Understanding the full spectrum of available options—from in-home care and adult day services to assisted living and nursing care—can make the conversation less overwhelming. Knowing that there are choices can provide reassurance to your loved one and prevent them from feeling trapped.
By researching options ahead of time, you’ll be prepared to address your family member’s concerns, answer questions, and offer realistic solutions.
Pre-Conversation Preparation
Reflect on your intentions
Before getting started, take some time to reflect on your goals for the conversation. What are you hoping to achieve? Are you looking to open the door to ongoing discussions or create a more concrete care plan?
Consider your loved one’s personality and how they might respond. Some may be open to discussing future care plans, while others may feel uncomfortable or resistant. Anticipating these reactions can help you tailor your approach and set realistic expectations.
Gather relevant information
Take some time to research long-term care options available in your area. Your family member may be more receptive to the idea of discussing long-term care if they realize they’d be able to stay in their own home.
It's also helpful to compile key information, such as existing care plans and relevant financial documents, to ensure everything is organized, current, and aligned with your loved one’s needs and wishes.
In addition, make a list of observations and concerns you’d like to address:
Have they been struggling with stairs?
Are they missing doses of medication?
Can they still prepare meals independently?
Are they having difficulty keeping up with household tasks?
Do they need assistance with managing their finances?
Pointing out these observations can be helpful as your loved one(s) may not even realize some areas of concern.
Choose the right setting
Aim to reduce noise, eliminate distractions, and have all relevant documents easily accessible. Selecting an appropriate setting for your long-term care conversation is important in making sure everyone feels comfortable and focused.
Setting the Stage
Plan for dedicated time
Make sure you’ll have enough time for a meaningful discussion.
Avoid rushing; take the time to engage and listen to your loved one’s thoughts and feelings. A relaxed pace can help facilitate an environment where everyone feels heard.
Be mindful of your body language
Your body language plays a big role in conveying warmth, empathy, and support. Be aware that it can also unintentionally communicate negative feelings like irritation or disinterest if you’re not careful.
Be mindful of your facial expressions, maintain eye contact, face your loved one directly, and lean slightly forward while nodding in agreement to indicate you’re engaged and interested in what your loved one(s) have to say.
Lead with empathy
When discussing long-term care, it’s important to recognize that these topics may feel uncomfortable for your aging family members. While you may be focusing on the practical aspects of care, they might perceive it as a threat to their independence and control.
Express understanding of the range of emotions they may experience—discomfort, reluctance, fear, or even anger. Validating these feelings shows that you respect their perspective and are not dismissing their concerns.
During the Conversation
Listen actively
Approach the conversation with an open mind, actively listening to your loved one’s thoughts and feelings. Ask for their input and opinions instead of assuming you have all the answers.
Validate their feelings
If your family member seems resistant to discussing long-term care, it’s easy to get frustrated. Instead, take a step back and listen to their concerns.
Remind them that their safety is your top priority, and that long-term care might help them maintain their independence and live in their own home longer.
Ask open-ended questions
Guiding the conversation with more broad questions helps family members think for themselves.
Here are some examples you could use:
Have you ever thought about where you’d want to live in the future?
As you get older, what activities do you want to make sure you can keep doing?
What does daily life look like now and how do you envision it changing in the future?
Is it important for you to receive care in your own home for as long as possible?
Who would you want to take care of you?
How do you plan to pay for care if/when needed?
Addressing Concerns
Discuss financial realities
Long-term care can be expensive.
According to Genworth’s Cost of Care Survey 2023, costs for long-term care services have risen across all provider types, with particularly notable increases in home health aide and homemaker services.
Understanding long-term care options and the associated costs is essential in being prepared for whatever your family members want their aging journey to look like.
If your loved one intends to pay for some or all of their long-term care out of pocket, ask them to consider the following questions:
Will you need to dip into your retirement savings?
Can your spouse afford to cover your care costs?
Will you be able to pass assets on to your children, grandchildren, or a charity?
To help manage the costs of long-term care, it’s essential to research long-term care insurance as early as possible. Keep in mind that individuals in poor health or those already receiving end-of-life care services may not qualify for long-term care insurance.
Long-term care insurance also helps alleviate the physical, mental, and financial stress on family caregivers by covering professional care services, allowing them to focus on providing emotional support to their aging loved ones instead of managing caregiving duties.
Encourage involvement
During the conversation, invite all family members to share their thoughts.
Promote a “team” approach in making care decisions. As a family, outline specific roles for each person to clarify who can help with various aspects of care, who has the time for caregiving, and set healthy boundaries.
We recommend collaborating to create a timeline for implementing care decisions. This ensures that everyone stays aligned as needs evolve and provides a roadmap for the future.
Focus on their peace of mind
As it’s likely your loved one may feel uncomfortable during this conversation, try reiterating how planning now can reduce their stress in the future. Highlight the peace of mind that comes from knowing plans are in place to support their care.
Follow-Up
Summarize key points
After your conversation, take some time to review what you discussed and take note of any issues, concerns, or decisions that were made.
Share your notes with your parents and any siblings who should be involved to make sure you’re all on the same page.
Check in regularly
You probably won’t be able to cover everything you want to discuss in one conversation, but having multiple conversations helps to reduce the pressure to make immediate decisions. Allowing for extra time between conversations gives your family members some space to do their own research and reflect on what you’ve talked about.
Additionally, encourage your loved ones to compile their important records (legal, medical, and financial) in a secure location. You can offer to help them organize these documents or assist in storing them safely. Make sure that you or another family member knows where to find these records when needed.
Seek professional help, if needed
Given the complexities of long-term care planning, seeking professional guidance is highly advisable.
Consider scheduling follow-up meetings with an attorney, financial planner, or insurance professional to provide you with personalized guidance and continue developing a comprehensive long-term care plan.
--
Core Income is an FMO, IMO, and independent insurance brokerage dedicated to serving financial advisors, their staff, and their clients.
Our mission is to help advisors deliver financial certainty by supporting them through actuarial precision, elite responsiveness, and collaborative partnerships.
To learn more about how we can support you, schedule a consultation with our team or call us at 800.541.7713.
Stay connected with us on social media for more tips and insights on annuities, life insurance, and long-term care.
Comments